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03 December 2005 @ 07:45 pm
I love my son, who is now approaching 3 months old, but I am now (I hope) guaranteed pregnancy-free for the next five years! Woo! I got my Mirena IUD on Wednesday.

What are your thoughts on children and spacing them out? Or do you think it's necessary to have more than one? My husband and I think we're just going to keep this one, but SO many people tell us we just HAVE to have at least one more.

Do you think it's necessary? I'm an only child so I wouldn't know about the sibling bond and all that. Same goes for my husband.
spudschuh on December 4th, 2005 02:13 am (UTC)
I don't think it's necessary. I am the third child in a family of five, and all I wanted was some friggin' peace and quiet growing up. My boyfriend and I are only planning on having this one biologically and then are going to adopt later on.

As for the sibling bond, the two sisters to whom I am relatively close in age are closer to each other emotionally than I am to them. I'm separated from my older sister by 22 months and from my younger by 3 and a half years. We absolutely hated each other growing up. We're all pretty close now, but it really only became that way when my oldest sister was a senior in high school and I was a sophomore. I'm probably closest emotionally to my youngest sister, who is 12. I'm 22. (Then there's the oldest, the only boy, who we're all close to, but it's just different. He's 30 and we rarely see him.)

So, having children close together in age is no guarantee that they'll even like each other. Moreover, if you chose to have more later on, having children separated by 5 or more years is no guarantee that they won't be close. I think only having one isn't going to emotionally scar him, either.
verisimilitude requiredhilartela on December 4th, 2005 02:22 am (UTC)
I'm pregnant with my first child, and I think this is going to be it for me. I don't have the time or money to do this again. My SO is annoyed, because he wants another one. Perhaps we will adopt later on.
Lucylucy_daisy on December 4th, 2005 02:24 am (UTC)
I want to have more children but I'm in NO hurry.. This one is hard enough to handle as it is!

I babysat my neice the other day who is 2 and I thought I had lost all control. I would like to have another one in like 4 years. I believe that when the first child is alittle older than the baby they will understand more. And they can be pretty good helpers. My neice is just way to little to understand that the baby is so fragile.

My sister and I are 3 years apart and we have been pretty close our whole lives.
A High Functioning Sociopath: cutenesshollsh on December 4th, 2005 02:43 am (UTC)
I thought that 3 years would be a good difference between the boys, I'll get back to you on how well that works once Liam's born.

Personally, I'm an only child too, and I HATED it. Some kids don't mind, some kids have serious problems with it. Depression rates are higher in only children, actually, but since all only children aren't depressed, it's not definate of course.

I think 5 years would be an okay gap, my dad had a good relationship with his one brother who was 8 years older, but had next to nothing to do with his oldest brother (13 year difference).
Rubyrubyredlsu on December 4th, 2005 04:12 am (UTC)
It just really depends. Mine are almost exactly two years apart (July 3 and July 23 birthdays). They get along great.

My sister is 9 years younger than me and my brother is 11 years younger than me. We're all very, very close. My sister is one of my best friends and I still go hang out with my brother and his friends pretty often. He calls me all the time for advice. Growing up, however, I did feel like I was more of a second mother to them, rather than a sister. As we've all gotten older, the relationship has changed.

If you guys think you just want one, I don't see a problem with that. I know lots of only children and they're all great.

I guess I just think it doesn't matter all that much.
[just] jamie: gone crazy!dear__jamie on December 4th, 2005 05:11 pm (UTC)
I always wanted 3 children. I think its a matter of personal prefference. I dont think it helps or doesnt help either way.

I have 2 daughters who are 2 years apart in age. They fight like CRAZY. I was always told theyd be best friends and love eachother and all that good stuff when in all actuality its the complete opposite.

I'd never give anyone advice to have them so close together.
Omega homega_h on December 4th, 2005 07:44 pm (UTC)
I'm the older of two girls, 3 years apart and I've always loved having a sister (well, maybe not always but most of the time) even though we are two rather different kind of people.
Our son is now 2,5 months old and we're planning on trying for at least one child more. Most likely we'll start trying when Mikael is 2 years old. For more reasons than one, money being one of them (I would get better benefits if I work for a little while)
cats_rule on January 7th, 2006 12:43 pm (UTC)
It's not necessary to have more than one. We didn't want any, when we got married. Then we only wanted one.
We planned on only one. After 3 years (and a miscarriage of a "surprise" pregnancy) we decided we wanted another. Spacing the kids is really a matter of preference. Do what you and your husband want. What you want today may or may not change in 5 or even 10 years.
We went from not wanting any to having 2 kids.
midnight_lotus: Franmidnight_lotus on January 11th, 2006 04:32 am (UTC)
I'm an only child, and I think Drake will be as well. We're not 100% decided - but I had one hell of a pregnancy, and I'm not sure that I could do that again. Anyways, what's your experience with your IUD been like so far? I've been looking into it, and been trying to decide whether I want an IUD or go onto Depro.
Cala the Wonder Bitchcalantha on January 12th, 2006 04:18 am (UTC)
I heard horror stories about Depo, so I was afraid. My IUD has been great! No real problems.

It's been about 6 weeks and a couple times I thought I felt it a little out of place, but I just moved around a bit and it seemed to settle. The most annoying thing is spotting! I spot a little every other day or so. So that's annoying, but it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Didn't really hurt getting put in either. A little hurt for about a minute, and then some crampiness that day. Nothing like my periods were like though!

Good luck with your decision!
Drucillasarafern on January 15th, 2006 09:49 am (UTC)
When I had my daughter I was adament that she was my only.
Then when she was 3 months old I became pregnant again!!!!
I now have two girls one year and one week apart.
The oldest is two and so far they are wonderful together.

I don't think that it's necessary to have more than one. You need to do what you feel is right. If you just want one, then go with that.